Monday, 22 September 2014

Asking rather than telling - it's not the easiest lesson to learn...

I write this post today with my "humble wife face" on.  There have been days during the past year and a half of being married that I have thought to myself "Man I am a great wife, I've really got this thing down".  And then there are a lot of days that I realize "Good grief I am a rookie at this, I can't believe Brett is still sticking around.  Thank goodness he's a stubborn farmer".  Today was one of those days.

I will admit that I occasionally lean toward the bossy side of things.  I have been known to tell people to do things rather than asking nicely.  What can I say, I am a born "teller".  But all jokes aside, I know this is something that I need to continually work on.  I can see the difference in Brett's attitude toward a task if I ask him nicely if he wouldn't mind doing something for me, rather than instructing him to do it.

A prime example of this would be last week when I phoned him to the combine (I was in the city at school) to tell him he needed to cut the tent worm nests out of our apple tree ASAP.  Needless to say, he didn't respond in the most pleasant manner.  One tearful phone call to my mom later (who so kindly said that she would go get rid of the tent worms and told me not to worry) and a few episodes of Gossip Girl to relax me later, I realized, how could I possibly blame Brett for getting cranky with me?  I'm sure that he felt like I was downplaying all the hard work that he has been doing, all the long hours that he's been putting in, by basically saying "Why haven't you done this already?"

It is easy to get into the grove of things once you've been in a relationship with someone for a long time.  Easy to sometimes forget to think of the other person's feelings before saying something that might come across as more unkind than you want it to.

I am going to be challenging myself to try to get better at asking rather than telling, as I believe this is my "wife weakness".  What do you think is your weakness in your relationships?  Are you a natural born teller like myself?  What are your strengths?  I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments :)


  1. I can be a bit naturally bossy, too, so I definitely understand this. But I've also learned over time that there's a lot of power in the way we ask for or suggest something--there's a way to do it without hurting the other person's pride, and that's worth striving for!